Memories of Our Pain
by RosesIntheRain
Summary: A look into Genkai's and Toguro's life, and the violent feud that lasted over half a century. Angst (or my version of it).


Memories of Our Pain

A/N: Another one delving into Toguro's and Genkai's past. I must say they're a rather interesting couple [Rather, depends on if you think they're a couple. =P] I don't like this one as much as the other (Father to Son); I'm not really good at emotional stories PLUS I kind of thought too much of  the idea (thus exhausting my options and making me forget my ideas BEFORE I wrote it. X_x) But I hope you like it. =D It's sort of an expansion of Father to Son. Enjoy!

***

It would boil all down to a boy. Any child would have done, but it was a boy. The boy hadn't been there at the beginning, but he was the end result of an obsessive love, and later, an obsessive hate. He had Toguro's jet black hair, a roguish, charming smile, and somehow, as if Genkai's essence were sealed in him, wonderful light brown eyes. Beautiful eyes, belonging to a very handsome boy. A destined boy. Yusuke Urameshi. The final product of two lifetimes' dreams.

***

"All of our lives, all of our days, we only live to beget children and pass down our powers as we see fit." Genkai stood on the edge of the shimmering pond, staring at the slow evaporation and eventual destruction of the lake. "I don't see why you're not willing to do as we ought to."

Toguro grasped her tiny hand with his large one. "Because we're special. Because we can do so many things that others can't. We deserve a chance to have so much more than everyone else, Genkai. With our powers, we can even transcend death itself. The most feared out of everything there is in the universe. Us. Together." His voice quickened at the thought of the future, his throat constricted at the thought of the potential. 

She turned away. "And you know why I won't." 

He stared at her, uncomprehending. "Why?"

"I want children, Toguro. I want brats to teach, to train, to understand…" she stopped. "To love."

He said nothing. Then, "My mother was killed giving birth to me. With my high power levels, even when I was born, she couldn't take it. She died, painfully, screaming till her last breath. I don't want that to happen to you."

"It won't. I'm strong enough. I want it enough." She stared off into the distance. 

"I won't take the risk," he said stubbornly. His fist clenched tightly and she uttered a low exclamation of protest. 

Neither said a word after that, just staring off into the distance, planning their own futures, neither agreeing to the other's plans. 

It stayed that way, for a long, long time, until the final stage of the Dark Tournament. He had convinced her, claiming that they needed a last show of power, together, before the future. The future… different futures, and both suspected it, but neither wished to dwell on the thought. They loved each other too much, and their young minds could not imagine being apart. 

It was a hard fight, and when, in the end, they had claimed their victory, taken down their last opponent, the Committee asked for their wishes. 

He stared deep into her eyes. "I love you, Genkai. If I could, and I can be soon, I would be with you for eternity." His thoughts roamed on the fights they would have in the future; marvelous challengers and proud victories. The immortal fighter, the epitome of power ands strength. They would be together, and it would last an eternity. It was all for her. All of his efforts, his pain, his passions. 

"I will be with you too, Toguro." And she thought about the children they would raise, the pride in bringing on the future, and an eventual residence in Spirit World, where they could perhaps train, if they wished, but mainly love. Love, and be together. 

She was glad that he had chosen to be with her. If they had been immortal, they would have stayed at their peak forever, seeing their children slowly grow old and die while they continued on. It was a burden she refused to carry, something her heart could not accept. So she was glad that he had chosen to be with her. 

He raised his voice, so that everyone in the stadium would here. "We have won the Tournament. And I demand my prize: eternal immortality and strength, for all the generations to come. And when this Tournament's spectators grow old, and wither away like a leaf in the fall, slowly turning to dust, I will still be here. And I will still be strong." 

He turned to her, smiling with pride and contentment. And saw with a shock the terrible anger and pain in her eyes. The large ovals were filled with what seemed to be thousands of shattered crystals… but he knew them to be tears. 

He had never seen Genkai cry before, never when she had suffered a grievous wound, when a comrade had fallen during a fight. And yet, on the crowning achievement of their lives, she was crying. And it was not the relieved crying of a champion. It was the heartbroken sobs of a defeated dream.

He opened his mouth, angered, but still loving her. His voice was filled with love, not hate, when he spoke. The hate would be later, when she abandoned him. When she nearly shouted into the face of the Committee and the face of the crowd, "I wish NEVER to be involved in such wretched games again. I am SICK of this place, sick of what's happened." She turned to him. "And sick of what it's done to you. I cannot love a soulless creature. From now on, they own you, body and soul. Toguro, the next time we see each other, it will be the last." And she had turned and walked away resolutely, never turning back. Tears dropped slowly down the path she had chosen, like the long, flowing cloak of Diana, the virgin goddess. "I will never love another man again. I will never bear children, nor feel the pain and joys of a fight. All because of you." She had sealed her heart from him, and thereafter imprisoned herself in the coldness, the pain of loneliness. Anything was better than the hurt, the infinite injuries Toguro had given her when he had betrayed her. 

Disapproval rained down upon the scene. Some wanted Toguro to kill Genkai. Some wanted the Committee to. But the Committee simply granted Toguro's wish, giving him all the strength, all the immortality he had coveted… but not Genkai. He would never hold her again.

Over the years, he sent bounty hunters to test her strength, wondering if somehow, he would grant that final wish of hers. He hated her, because she had been his, and the only element of his life and destiny he could not control was her. He loved her, because she had been beautiful and powerful; his counterpart, his only true partner. She was Genkai, all that he desired and could never have. 

When she neared the barrier of age, when she could bear no children safely anymore, Toguro decided to grant her dying requests. To Toguro, Genkai had started dying the moment she had refused immortality and spending eternity with him. 

On the tenth anniversary of the last day they ever spent with each other, Toguro found a suitable woman for their son. He wasn't sure of her name—only knew she was of the Urameshi family—but she had a good, strong body for a human… and was in the ripe age for child bearing. He was running out of time, and options were not in the picture.

Through a messenger, he then told Genkai of his plans. What he had done. The messenger never came back. She never sent word of her own intentions.

But when Yusuke Urameshi became a teenager, she sent for him. Taught him the ways of the world, the ways of survival… like a mother would. Finally, a child she truly loved. And a child to call theirs. A very remarkable child at that.

Because he had been born of Toguro's blood, Yusuke had surprising strength for a human. He picked fights and won. His father didn't watch over him. If he were so weak that he could not survive in the human world, there was no reason to let him live long enough to be introduced to demons. 

After he had completed Genkai's training, he received her own powers. He was truly their son, a masterpiece, a boy to be proud of.

Genkai stared at Toguro across the meadow. It was time, both knew it. But there was no reason to escape from past memories, past mistakes, past pleasures. And yet each wasn't the person that the other had fallen in love with so many years ago. Toguro had his immortality; Genkai her child. Both had satisfied their requests from life. Delaying it was worthless. 

It was time.  

***

End Notes: I really can't write rather emotional pieces. X.x I tried, though. ^_^ It was kind of hard picturing just *how* romantic Toguro and Genkai would have been. It basically came down to the idea that they loved each other so much that when this one life-changing event happened, they felt so betrayed that they just couldn't make up again. And because of this one monstrous disagreement, lived in solitude until the final, rather Shakespeare-esque ending (Romeo and Juliet… sorta). Thankee-sai for reading. ^-^ Ta Ta! Please tell me what you think. ^_^


End file.
